A couple of Sundays ago, the Nagarjuna Buddhist centre in Kelmarsh held their annual World Peace Fête. It’s only a couple of miles from where we live, so I went along to promote Well Spent Days coaching.

As you can see I brought our garden table, umbrella and chairs so it was quite a home from home :).

I’d prepared some leaflets giving a brief outline of what my coaching is about – relaxed, laid back block busting to help clear the path to a calmer, more peaceful mind and life.

Available on my narrowboat or by phone or Skype. 

There was a variety of different stalls – therapies like Shiatsu and also free meditation sessions. And delicious looking vegetarian food, although as my lovely friend had brought me a packed lunch I didn’t sample any.

I’d never done anything like this before so was quite nervous. My friend came along for moral support, but I needn’t have worried. Quite a few people approached the table wanting to find out more and I thoroughly enjoyed chatting to them.

The woman on the next stall, as well as selling beautiful vintage items, was offering psychic readings  for £15.

There was a big demand for the wisdom of the spirit world.

But then, something she didn’t predict.

A storm was brewing and many of  the tents, umbrellas and gazebos were whipped up and out of their moorings. My friend and I huddled under one of my big umbrellas until it passed.

She then went off for her psychic reading and David arrived to help me pack up.

It had been an enjoyable first experience of promoting myself in public and one I’m looking forward to repeating. Preferably minus the storm!

Thanks to Nagarjuna Buddhist Centre, Kelmarsh for the photo.

Yesterday a friend and I went to the Buddhist Centre in Leicester for a day of meditation.

The course was entitled ‘Let Go of the Past’.

The centre is a beautiful, restful space just behind Leicester Cathedral where the bones of Richard III now lie buried. Our arrival was serenaded by the sound of the cathedral bells joyfully ringing out.

We started with a cappuccino for me and a lemon and ginger tea for my friend, in the light airy cafe.

Our tutor was called Pet. A lovely lady who immediately made me feel at ease as I sat on the front row of the meditation room, with maybe about 60 other meditators.

Pet said she’s always tempted to mix up the pairs of shoes that are lined up at the entrance to the meditation room, which made us laugh.

The first part of the day was about Attachment and Non Attachment. Pet pointed out that we all get attached to things that are outside of ourselves that we think will make us happy.

She used the example of seeing someone we are attracted to – our heart might start to flutter, we might go pink and feel flustered.

This reaction is caused by our thinking and originates because we want to have that person in our life.

This might seem normal, but it’s an aspect of grasping. It comes from our ego.

Pet used the example of having a bird in a cage. If we keep the door of the cage closed so our bird cannot escape, if it ever gets a chance to fly away, it will do so and probably never come back.

If we leave the cage door open so the bird feels free to come and go as it pleases, it is more likely to enjoy our company and return to the open cage in order to enjoy our company again.

Non attachment means that we don’t need things to be permanent. We enjoy them while they are there and accept that they are not going to be around for ever.

Of course this doesn’t mean that we don’t form committed relationships.

But we allow the person the freedom to be their true self within the relationship.

After the talk we meditated for about 15 minutes.

Afterwards I felt relaxed and ready for a delicious lunch in the World Peace Cafe. We ate vegetable moussaka with salad and mozzarella cheese followed by lemon cheese cake.

The afternoon was similarly relaxed and inspiring.

We left, like the free birds that we are!

I’ve been on a quest to find joy in my life for a very long time.

What’s your secret to happiness?

OK, well here’s mine. It’s acceptance.

Acceptance of me.

Acceptance of you.

Acceptance of my experience of the solar eclipse that we watched over the village of Harrington, England (on a piece of land used by the US Air Force during WW2) this very morning.

In the past I would’ve worried that I wasn’t in the right place to get the best view.

That I ought to make the moment “mean something”

Today I was able to see the fun in wearing three pairs of sunglasses so we could gaze straight at that life giving orb in the sky and not be Blinded by the Light.

Well, I’ve just listened to one of my favourite songs from the 1970’s and didn’t realise that it contained words so appropriate for today.

“Mama always told me not to look into the sights of the sun.

Oh but mama, that’s where the fun is.”

What is your happiness secret? I’d love to know.

The beauty of mindfulness is that it’s about our whole experience.

“What does that mean?” you may ask.

Well it’s difficult to describe, but it’s true that it’s all about living in the present moment.

Why?

Because that’s the only moment we have.

Our teacher on the course that I’ve been taking over 2 of the last 3 weekends, asked us to imagine the future, without thinking about it.

Everyone looked a bit bamboozled.

Try it now – go on!

The future only exists as thoughts in our minds. As does the past.

And we can construct them any way we like, which is great.

But sometimes we imagine them in a negative way. And that isn’t helpful.

Mindfulness is about acceptance. We accept our experiences in the present moment exactly as they are.

Many people (including myself) have worried about doing meditation wrong – we can’t sit still, we get bored, our mind wanders etc., etc.

I learnt that this is all part of the meditation. We just need to bring our mind back to the moment. Not just when we are meditating, but in every moment.

Just do it when we remember.

And to listen and be curious about where our mind goes when it wanders off.

That way we learn lots about ourselves.

It’s also a good idea to focus our attention on any points of discomfort in our body. We need to be curious – really feel the niggly, gnarly bits.

These feelings want to be seen and heard.

If you truly listen, they want to tell you something.

And when they’re acknowledged and shown your love, they start to dissipate and dissolve.

Like magic.

Perhaps I should feel like a failure as I didn’t blog everyday – in fact I missed quite a few days, ahem.

But here’s what I learned about my procrastination style.

1. I make the excuse that I don’t feel ready. So I go and do a bit more research, or another personality quiz.

And it’s possible to really play tricks on yourself and make yourself think you’ve got plenty of time. And then…

2. Something happens and you haven’t got the time you thought you had – like a friend who’s ill, calls and asks if you’ll buy a Pukka pie for her daughter’s tea.

Well obviously going into Tesco and buying a Pukka pie doesn’t take long (principles about buying Pukka pies aside). But then you deliver said pie to her house, and while you’re there you might as well have a cup of tea and a chat with said friend.

Well bugger me, four hours have passed and when you get back your husband has cooked you a lovely tea and then Wolf Hall is on and then you fall asleep but….

3. You might go back to your desk at 10, or 10.30 if you’ve watched whatever comedy is on BBC2 at 10 o’clock and then wished you hadn’t because it was good, but not that good and you could have been blogging – another excuse to beat yourself up.

There are 2 possibilities to how this scenario will go – either you’ll feel so tired you can’t keep your eyes open or… even though you fell asleep during Up the Women on the telly you now have a second wind and you will continue to blog and will finish at 3 minutes to midnight and go to bed quite happily.

This happened at least 3 times during Come Blog with Me.

I have to admit that I didn’t blog before midday once.

But the biggest lesson learned was that once I actually sit down and do it, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!!!

And I tend to naturally blog about what interests me and towards the direction that I want my coaching practice to go.

Except I haven’t done a food blog yet.

Hmm think I’ll remedy that one tomorrow for the last day of CBWM – sob!!

THANKS LOTTE, IT’S BEEN AN OPENER!

We’d all gathered in the conference room in the Cliffs Hotel. It was exciting to meet some of my fellow coaching course “cadets” as Martha Beck coaches in training are known. We helped ourselves to coffee, and chatted, excited for the day ahead.

It took me a while to notice that Martha had appeared and was sitting on the platform at the far end of the room ready to start. She was observing us all and caught my eye. This was the only one to one contact I had with her that day.

She’s a quiet person, an introvert I’m told, but when she started speaking I was hanging on her every word.

Near the beginning of her talk she said “We live in a culture where everything has to happen fast. It doesn’t last”.

That’s what I’m talking about!

Martha reminded us that the mind is a terrible master, but a wonderful student – we can use our mind to work out problems and that’s great, but when our thinking runs away with us – heaven help us!

Everything happens through peace – we can manifest anything we want if we are in a peaceful state.

Most of us are focussed on problems and fear. Focus on on your own joy – self explanatory!

People think they need a recipe for living. That’s the problem, there’s no recipe – there’s no instructions to follow, have faith and trust in yourself.

Striving for magical experiences doesn’t work – you are not 100 per cent peaceful – striving equals stress, not magic.

Everything comes from the emotional state that you think will be created by circumstances – don’t wait to get what you want before being happy. Be happy now.

Everything that happens in the outside world is teaching us to wake up – YES!

All quotes are Martha’s, with an explanation as I understand it and where I felt it was necessary. Some may be paraphrased, I was scribbling as fast as I could whilst trying to take it all in.

And then I bent a spoon!

A kind woman who was on her way to a wedding with her British born husband (I’d chatted to them on the train) leant me her phone. I needed to call a cab to my hotel in San Luis Obispo.

It never came.

I tried to be in the moment as I sat under a tree to shade me from the heat. It was difficult – I wanted to move on to the next moment and check in to the hotel.

But no, I was stuck in the Amtrak station. I’d forgotten to book the free hotel shuttle.

Reflecting on how it would be good to look ahead and prepare more for “the future me” (others have blogged about this, I’m not the first) killed a bit more time.

I decided from that day on I’d be more loving and attentive towards the FM. That way she wouldn’t have to rush around at train stations with clothes spilling out of her bag.

And sit on baking hot platforms, waiting for a taxi that never comes.

There wasn’t a soul about to ask for help. The next train wasn’t coming through for hours.

I’d neglected to gift the future me an allowance of cash, in case she needed it when she alighted from the train. I’d also neglected to set up Skype for her on her phone so she could make an easy, reasonably priced phone call.

Anyway I told her we’d find a bar and relax with an early evening cocktail whilst setting up Skype on our phone.

An hour later we were on our way to the hotel in another expensive taxi.

Not considering the future me can be an expensive business, but not always.

I’ve purchased cheaper airline tickets by procrastinating for a few days. And I didn’t renew my electricity and gas contract until the last minute (I know, what a rebel), which to my surprise afforded me a 100 pounds cheaper quote for the year.

But on the whole, when I take a few moments to attend to the needs of the future me, life runs a lot more smoothly.

Saturday evening, and Lisa Tarbuck has just played Seventeen by the Regents on her Radio 2 show. It was in the charts in 1980 when I actually was 17.

I bought the single and played it as a kind of inspiration to become a new and better person.

I think my obsession with becoming someone new and better started when I was lucky enough to go on a Mediterranean cruise with the school when I was 15. Mum told me that Paul Garrett from number 4 came back from a similar cruise a better person (according to his mum) and hopefully I would return similarly transformed.

The song contains the line “All the girls just love to hate you and all the boys they want you.” Or words to that effect. I wanted to become that person.

But the words that really counted were “someone’s dream, created your perfection”.

Because I wanted to be perfect.

I didn’t want to be this person crippled with shyness, hangups and uncertainty about the future.

I would write lists of rules for myself that looked a bit like this:

1. Be a beautiful person all the time

2. Do homework on time (I was already a serial procrastinator)

3.  Talk to people without blushing

4. Stop watching Charlie’s Angels

Obviously these rules set standards for me that were impossible to maintain.

Charlie’s Angels was my guilty pleasure. It was so glamorous. And set in  that far off and wondrous place called America where everybody had flicked hair and wore flavoured lip gloss.

But strictly speaking, Charlie’s Angels wasn’t allowed and had been filed under “rubbish TV” in the rule book of what could be watched on school nights. And secretly I thought it was rubbish too, but strangely addictive.

Hence making the rule for myself which I kept breaking when Mum and Dad weren’t looking.

I was constantly revising and updating the rules. And then feeling bad about myself for breaking them. It was a vicious cycle.

It wasn’t until mindfulness came into my life that I started to learn to accept myself as I am.

And slowly the urge to be different/be somewhere different/with someone different began to loosen it’s grip.

My first evening in LA was heaven, even though I was dog tired. I got to sit on my host’s outside terrace with a glass of red wine, while her friend made a delicious salad. There was an incredible view of the city by night and she had lit scented candles and strung fairy lights from the potted palms.

The two friends, one of whom ran a farmer’s market (right up my alley), talked about the merits of Botox and people who complained that they couldn’t park their cars close enough to the market – and these people meant CLOSE.

You probably know how it is in LA – everybody drives. I asked about a place I could see way up on the horizon of the vista I was seeing from the balcony.  It was the Griffith Observatory. My host said she sometimes hiked there and it took about an hour. She promised to drive me to the nearby junction of Sunset and Hollywood Boulevards where I could have breakfast and then take a stroll to the Observatory.

I sat outside a French restaurant. It was a gorgeous warm day.

Still jetlagged I chose a pizza, which was rather unwise, as the coffee I ordered came with a bread basket, butter and jam. Pretty hungry, as it was midday and I hadn’t eaten yet, I ate some bread and jam and left the rest on the pavement end of the table.

Soon after, a homeless guy passed the table and asked if he could have a piece of bread.

I decided it couldn’t hurt for him to take one piece of bread, so indicated for him to help himself. He did take one piece but then reached over and grabbed the jam and clumsily spread it on the bread with his fingers. At the same time the waitress came over and grabbed the bread, and told him to scram. Seeing his look of dismay, she changed her mind and offered him the whole basket. “I don’t want your fucking bread!” he cried, thrust the basket back at her and slouched off indignantly.

So much for a low profile brunch. Everyone on the terrace was staring. After struggling with the enormous pizza – I’d forgotten about US portions, and didn’t expect them at a French style restaurant, I decided to continue on my way. I refused the box, “to go”. I had my pride too, and didn’t want to be seen “hiking” with a pizza box under my arm.

After leaving the area lined with shops and restaurants and approaching a more residential road, there appeared to be no one on foot except me.

It was a case of mad dogs and English women go out in the midday sun. Thank goodness the mad dogs had stayed at home. The road got steeper but I pressed on. Cars and trucks sped by,

I lost confidence in my ability to make this walk, even though it wasn’t that daunting. It just daunted me that no one else was walking. I was cheered by a fabulous view of downtown LA, I guess it was Hollywood Hills type terrain, with dry red earth and enormous pine trees.

Then the path ran out and it was just road. That seemed like the last straw and a signal to turn back. Although I’d made the trip to the US alone, I’m no female Bear Grylis. The road was not particularly wide and a car coming round the bend at speed may not have been able to see me, and wouldn’t be expecting a crazy English woman actually walking to the top.

But the road wasn’t that busy. Was I that much of a wuss? No I wasn’t, I pressed on.

And was soon rewarded by the path reappearing and the sight of the beautiful, temple like Griffith Observatory at the top.

We are often tempted to give up when things look tricky, but the rewards we seek may be just around the corner.

I had a recurring nightmare where I was stuck on the other side of the Atlantic.

Somehow I’d ended up in Texas, or somewhere like that and couldn’t get back.

And the reason I couldn’t get back was due to my sheer terror of flying. The more I flew in real life, the more scared I got.

Well that isn’t quite true.

There was one flight from France, where I took one of my favourite books, the Power of Now. And turned to the page where Eckhart Tolle talks about the benefits of being present for our own death.

He says that there are several opportunities to experience enlightenment, and one of them is at the time of our death. According to Eckhart, when the time comes to shake off this mortal coil, the temptation will be to turn away in fear. But if we stay alert and mindful, we can enjoy the moment in it’s full glory and everlasting nirvana will be ours.

I can’t tell you what the other opportunities for instant enlightenment are, as I’m too tired/lazy to go and get the book and turn to the appropriate page. But I swear that reading it whilst on a plane took away all my fear – especially that feeling I know other flight phobics experience – trying to mentally keep the plane in the sky.

In my case this means that nobody else can speak to me, I can’t read a magazine or eat anything. I just have to stare at a spot on the back of the seat in front of me – which of course is pretty close, if the person sitting in that seat has taken the opportunity to recline.

So yes, it’s almost like mindfulness meditation, but in this case I’m not breathing deeply and slowly, but in an anxious, shallow sort of way. My minds all over the place, anticipating heaven knows what.

So back to the dreams where I was stuck on the other side of the Atlantic. I always woke up in a cold sweat, full of relief that I was actually home in my bed in Market Harborough.

But last year, I got this chance to go to the US to attend the Martha Beck coaching meet up. And I really wanted to go. And heck I love America. I’d braved the flight to LA all alone when I worked in travel and I knew could do it again.

As I wasn’t sure if Eckhart Tolle would help me this time, I decided to Google some statistics about plane crashes and risk of terrorist attacks.

The odds against were stacked pretty high, which I knew anyway, but for some reason learning that I’d have to take a thousand flights for a thousand years before I boarded a plane that would fall out of the sky (again I can’t remember the exact odds, I’m not a statistics geek. You’ll have to Google them yourself).

On boarding the plane, I was reminded that so much of what scares us is stuff that we play out in our mind before we even put ourselves in the situation we dread.

I’m not sure exactly what worked, but my fears had evaporated. The flight was fine and I watched 3 films.

I landed in LA not knowing a soul. There was a big full moon as the very expensive taxi sped towards downtown.

But I didn’t feel stuck on the other side of the Atlantic.

I was excited. Facing some of my biggest fears felt great.

And I can recommend Grand Budapest Hotel if you haven’t already seen it. Next time I’ll watch it when the movie screen isn’t almost pressed against my face, because the person in front has reclined.